Trigger Warning: Mention of abuse
Resilience is one’s ability to recover from or easily adjust to misfortune or change. In layman’s terms, it is defined as “the ability to bounce back from adversity.” Psychologists have defined resilience as a process wherein an individual adapts well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or from significant sources of stress involving issues related to family, relationships, health, workplace, or finance. Resilience also involves personal growth. All of us have been resilient at some point in our lives; it can be as simple as getting up and going to work the day after you experience heartbreak. It can also be something as big as someone continuing to live their lives after tragedies like the current, globally impacting Covid-19 pandemic or the 26/11 Mumbai terrorist attack. In the context of the latter, even though a lot changed in the lives of people who witnessed, survived, or lost someone to it, many continued to live with the irreversible changes. This ability to “bounce back” is resilience. It involves focusing on what an individual can control rather than pondering on things not in one’s control.
Now that one knows what resilience is, it is also important to understand what resilience is not. Being resilient does not mean that an individual does not experience any distress or difficulty. Rather, on the journey to resilience, one does experience stressful situations and tragedy. Resilience is not an innate personality trait, rather, it is a set of behaviours and coping mechanisms that one learns and develops, as he/she grows. Resilience can be learnt, it is not something extraordinary. Rather, in reality, resilience is very ordinary.
Different things matter and affect individuals differently; for some, something like failing an exam can cause a lot of distress whereas, for some, it may not. Consecutively, no checklists are developed that can measure the individual experience of stressors; the ones that measure distress, measure it in terms of the level of distress, compared to a larger population, rather than measuring the individual causes of distress causing that level of distress. Thus, it cannot be said that, “Okay, you are experiencing distress because of this event or because of this situation.” At some point in our lives, everyone experiences stressful situations and adversities. Some people experience more, some experience less. Survivors of abuse and those currently fighting it quickly come to our minds when thinking about people who have experienced or are experiencing comparatively more stressful situations and adversities.
Abuse can be understood, in layman’s terms, as improper treatment individuals receive by people or usage of positional power in a negative way. It is a pattern of a repeated set of behaviours rather than a one time event. Many forms of abuse exist, including, but not limited to:
Physical: This type of abuse includes slapping, punching, hitting, and strangling an individual or partner against their will. This is amongst the most common types of abuse as it is easier to notice in comparison to other types.One major site of physical violence is violence that takes place in domestic spaces. Various helplines help victims of domestic violence.
Sexual: Sexual abuse, in simple words, means forcing a non-consenting person to engage in a sexual encounter which may involve both physical and non-physical components. Child sexual abuse, wherein victims are not of legal age, is a type of sexual abuse. Helplines and organizations working towards helping victims of sexual abuse take various steps towards the betterment of victims.
Verbal: Verbal abuse can be explained as a type of abuse where one person verbally berates another person, causing emotional trauma. Verbal abuse is difficult to quantify and therefore, “prove,” and takes longer to heal. It is a type of emotional abuse that leaves invisible wounds. It is a form of manipulation where the victim often loses self-confidence and finds oneself in a helpless situation. Therefore, it is important to understand the signs of verbal abuse. One of the most basic indicators of verbal abuse can be the frequent use of terms like ‘idiot,’ ‘stupid,’ ‘good for nothing,’ etc.
Psychological: Psychological abuse can be understood as a chain of events, behaviours, and actions that one engages in purposefully, to cause harm to the other’s mental health and well-being. Gaslighting is one form of psychological abuse. Psychological abuse, like verbal abuse, is difficult to identify because the wounds and trauma caused by it are often not seen physically; this makes it imperative to understand and identify the signs of psychological abuse.
Financial: Financial abuse is a type of abuse wherein the abuser controls the financial aspect of the victim’s life, thereby controlling the victim’s independence. It becomes very difficult for the victim to do as they wish, as anything and everything the person does is controlled by the abuser. The victim lacks control over his/her own life. Understanding the signs of financial abuse becomes important as again, it is a type of hidden abuse which causes more mental harm than physical.
Cultural: Cultural abuse, on the other hand, occurs whenever someone tries to move away from the cultural norm. Anyone who differs from what is considered normative by a society runs the risk of being subjected to cultural abuse. Minorities often fall prey to cultural abuse. India has seen cultural abuse from olden times, be it differentiation based on caste system, the divide caused by religions, or the struggles faced by the LGBTQIA+ community. Cultural abuse does not just include discrimination, it also includes stereotypical and prejudiced behaviour towards the people who are different; this type of abuse is also faced by people suffering from mental disorders and mental health issues.
Trauma, a normal response developed under stress, goes hand in hand with abuse. Trauma is portrayed differently by individuals; for example, child abuse victims may not understand what is happening to them, but when they grow up, they may have traumatic experiences such as nightmares or painful memories. Many research studies and books help one understand how to deal with a person experiencing trauma. One of the basic guidelines given in the book Trauma Informed Care in Behavioural Health Sciences is expressing empathy towards the victims. Empathy, in simple terms, means understanding other’s experiences by imagining oneself in their situation. Dr. Elliott Cohen, in his article on How to be more empathetic, gives nine guidelines to help express empathy. The guidelines are: focus your attention on the welfare, interests, and needs of others; key into shared human values; suspend, temporarily, your own considered judgements and critique; connect with the target; use reflection; listen to the target; self-disclosure as appropriate; properly distance yourself to and from the target’s subjective world; and practice it!
As important as it is to understand trauma after abuse, it is also important to understand what helps in overcoming the trauma. Resilience helps abuse survivors deal with trauma. A study on resilience amongst women who survived sexual abuse as a child suggests that children who demonstrated excellent resilience, i.e., competent functioning in the domains of psychological well-being, health status, and better interpersonal relationships are socially active instead of socially deviant, and have better economic well-being as adults. They also observed high-school graduation to be the best predictor of resilience. They also reported that victims who were revictimized as adults were less resilient. Another study reports resilience as a journey or a process which includes participant-reported factors like recovery from trauma, reconceptualization of self, and development of healthy sexuality; this involves deliberate, recurrent efforts. The study suggested that women define resilience as a process of cleansing the soul and freeing themselves of the negativity of previously experienced child sexual abuse. Another study found that mindfulness and acceptance are associated with greater psychological adjustment following exposure to trauma. On the other hand, it was also found that experiential avoidance, persistent dissociation, and coping strategies involving emotional disengagement are associated with greater severity of PTSD symptoms and other related psychopathologies.
Thus, various studies shed light on the importance of resilience amongst abuse survivors, which brings us to understand how to build resilience. Five simple steps which may help build resilience involves changing the narrative of the situation, facing one’s fears, practicing self-compassion, meditating, and cultivating forgiveness. Practice these five-steps in moments of despair and whenever one has time in general, to become resilient and remember the mantra, I’ll get through this; I’m resilient.
Divya Mirani
