Note: This article focuses on the role of sex in relationships of people who identify as heterosexual, homosexual, or asexual.
Intimacy is defined as a spectrum of physical and emotional closeness between individuals. This term comes from Erik Eikson’s theory of development, in which he defined intimacy as the quality to form close and loving relationships. Psychotherapist Jennifer Kogan has defined intimacy as “ a process whereby we feel truly seen, known by and connected to our partner.” Further, Margarita Tartakovsky presents different types of intimacies experienced in a relationship, including emotional (communicating with your partner, one another’s innermost thoughts and vulnerabilities), intellectual (exchanging thoughts and ideas with your partner), physical (includes everything from being affectionate with each other, holding hands, cuddling, kissing to engaging in sexual intercourse), experiential (engaging in some experiences like taking a walk, watching a movie together or biking, without any distractions such as electronic gadgets), spiritual (sharing “awe-inspiring” moments together, such as worshipping the same God or whatever spiritual power the couple beliefs in)
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs describes human needs in terms of lower order and higher order needs. While the former includs food, water, air, sleep, and sex, the latter includes safety needs, belongingness needs, self-esteem needs, and self-actualization. Following Maslow’s identification of sex as a biological need, studies have underlined the importance of sex in a relationship. One such study aimed to determine the relationship between relationship satisfaction, well-being, and sexual satisfaction. It suggested that first, sex promoted well-being because it promoted affection. Second, long-term effects of sex and positive affectivity promoted higher relationship satisfaction. Third, nonverbal intimate exchanges in the form of sexual intercourse and affectionate touch are important for maintaining well-being.
Sexual intimacy as a particular type of physical intimacy, plays an important role in relationship satisfaction. A study conducted on 335 married couples suggested that sexual satisfaction significantly predicted emotional intimacy for husbands and wives, while the contrary was not significant. Another study conducted on homosexual couples (Black gay men) suggested that achieving sexual satisfaction was important to the men in these relationship. The study further reported that having sex frequently, in addition to other factors, such as being independent, equity in relationship, companionship and psychological health, contributed to higher levels of relationship satisfaction. Sprecher and Cate (2004) reported a collection of findings which suggested that sexual intimacy is an important aspect of relationship satisfaction. Specifically, a study by Edwards and Booth (1994) argued that husbands and wife who reported sexual satisfaction in their relationship were likely to report overall relationship satisfaction. Another study by Davies, Katz and Jackson (1999) argued that sexual satisfaction and its positive association with relationship satisfaction is not only found in married couples, but also in couples who are dating. Last, a study by Sprecher (2002) argued that changes in levels of sexual satisfaction is associated with changes in relationship satisfaction.
The aforementioned studies, however, focus only on samples from heterosexual and homosexual communities. Sexuality and sexual orientation are not restricted to these two only. The American Psychology Association defines sexual orientation as “an enduring pattern of emotional, romantic and/or sexual attractions to men, women or both sexes.” It further explains sexual orientation as one’s sense of identity based on those attractions, related behaviors, and membership in a community with those who share similar attractions.
Asexuality, specifically, is a sexual orientation which is characterized by a persistent lack of sexual attraction towards any gender. However, asexual individuals do engage in romantic relationships. It is roughly estimated that 1% of the world’s population is asexual. A study on asexual women in 2014 discussed three main themes related to asexuality - establishing an asexual identity, experiencing physical intimacy and sexuality, and experiencing love and relationships. Participants of the study reported that they have always felt different as compared to other people engaging in sexual relationships. They also argued that there exists a large amount of variation in their experience of sex and physical intimacy, and love and relationships. The study furthter suggested that asexual individuals may engage in physical intimact for the first time to satisfy their curiosity, and later with the intention of satisfying their partners’ wishes. However, they did not find the experience to be pleasurable. Some asexual individuals have an aversion to sex, whereas most are not at all interested in sex. It was also suggested that there are asexual inviduals who experience romantic relationships and romantic attraction towards other people. On the other hand, some asexual individuals establish themselves as aromantic - lacking romantic attraction and desire for romantic relationships. However, asexual individuals who desired romantic relationships were realistic about the difficulties they may experience when getting into a relationship with a partner who may not be asexual. These individuals exhibited willingness to negotiate with their partners. Additionally, they found that asexual individuals consider love and sex to be different; they did not consider sex to be a way of expressing love. Another study focusing on asexual individuals suggested that they showed more negative explicit attitude towards romance and sex as compared to allosexual individuals. It was also found that, even implicitly, asexual indviduals showed negative attitudes toward sex. On the other hand, romantic asexual individuals have more favourable romantic attitudes (both explicit and implicit), when compared to aromantic asexual individuals.
This shows how people of different sexual orientations (with a focus on heterosexual, homosexual and asexual inviduals) engage in relationships. While sexual intercourse may play an important role in homosexual and heterosexual relationships, it is not the only factor that affects overall relationship satisfaction. Evidence presented contradicts general relationship norms which determine sex, as the dominant factor for relationship satisfaction. Instead, the above evidence presents individuals lacking interest in sex, but exhibiting an interest to be in a romantic relationship, and successfully maintaining them.
Divya Mirani
